~lost-kind

obviously I am still alive... gosh it feels good to vent shit out sometimes...

well, i am going to work on posting new stuff...

sorry cuz the quality will suck I hate the way my scanner makes things look so it will prolly end up being photographs...

sorry...


xx

I am going to kill my self! YAY!



I am so sick and tired of getting treated like shit... so if I am going to I might as well be plant food... because apparently I dont contribute anything to the world... so there really is no reason for being around...



see the thing is I have a brother who is a fucking ass hole, and the more he pushes it the more I wish he died last summer in is motorcycle accident. I mean yeah I guess I love him cuz he is my brother but I think I only believe that because that is what I am supposed to believe.

anyway, he is here for thanksgiving... which I think would be the perfect day to kill my self... What a better way to show how thankful I am...



anyway, my brother always treats me like shit, yeah what ever about thats just how brothers and sisters are... most people would know boundries. but he doesnt because he is a fucking ass hole... and the worst part is as everyone lets him treat me like shit, even when I am being nice and trying to be helpful, I am always in the worng if I try and stick up for my self.

So, apparently I am not really a part of this family I am just the person everyone treats like shit. anyway I am rather excited to kill my self I think it is going to be awesome, I am going to cut my throat maybe somewhere where there is carpet cuz then is will ruin the carpet... and I will do my best to splatter blood every where just be an ass when they have to clean everything up haha... It will be a great way to show them how thankful I am for their love and support... or should I say lack there of.

I know this may sound bitter and morbid, and of course lets not forget childish, immature, inconsiderate, pigheaded... or whatever...



but whatever... I wont have to deal with the aftermath. I wont have to deal with the fake tears and the fake I loved her so much she was such a great person... yada yada bullshit... cuz if that were true they would have shown it more... but I am not saying all of them were like that... but there wasnt enough good to compensate... before I finish the job, I will give someone my account info... so they can manage all your bullshit I miss you, why did you have to kill your self, in loving memory bullshit... and dont deny its bullshit, because its not like I ever talkt o you stupid fucks anyway... except for amy, she always e-mails me and comments me just to see how I am doing and or just to say hi... she is an honest to god truly nice person. She will be among I am sorry I left you like this I am sorry I couldnt be a better friend group, because I will honestly if I could regret things when I am dead, I would feel bad for hurting her... but remember that list is very very short, so yes most of you stupid fake wanna be fucks wont be on it okay!



peace!



xx

everyone makes mistakes holy fucking shit... dont act like you never have... trust me I would like to take some shit back, but you cant hence "mistake"... look it up jack ass... so why get so but hurt... at least when people make a mistake its isnt to intentionally hurt someones feelings... so dont be an asshole, have some composure...


xx

I am with some one...


but liking and being with someone a completely different things...


dont get me wrong i like who I am with... but i think the love factor is fading away...

but i have found someone, who makes my heart race, and clogs my mind with thoughts of him...

but i am not with him... i am with someone else...


which leaves me lost and lonely...


xx tanya

Hmmm...


Okay I a quick update...

as I do not wish you be on here for very long...

John and I:

Are still together and doing great thank goodness... He really means the world to me, and he amazes me everyday... Its crazy I thought all the really good people had died out with the dinosaurs... But poop, I was wrong, John and his family must be the last ones left... :: thinks to self, how can we spread the goodness... how... just how... ::

Living:

Currently (( or as of last night )) With John and his family...

Why:

Big arguement with "mom" things were said doors were kicked in... and I left. And John came and saved me.... (( So, he ust really care, and his family must tooo. which makes me feel better. because just when I thought I had no where to go, and no one who would care. They proved me wrong. and they took me in, and they are willing to help me out. And I am trully grwatfull, and i love them very much for all they have done. ))

So, in a nut shelll... Shit hit the fan... John turned the fan off in time to stop the shit from being flung around the room... so, now... we have a smaller clean up to take careof, and we can move on...

People may see my leaving the house as running away...

well, I am 19, and I do make my own money... I see it as moving on with me life..


xx miitch